De La Salle Santiago Zobel School
Academic Year 2011-2012
•HANDOUT IN CL4 TERM 2 MODULE 2 (Part1)
•VALUING HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS: Parental Love, Fraternal/Filial love, Platonic/Friendly Love, Obssessive Love, Erotic Love
Introduction to Human Love Relationships
“We are like angels with one wing, we can only fly by embracing each other...”
In the context of our daily life realities, we are able to walk the journey when we are with others.
As social beings, we are influenced by the people around us and the relationships we have with them.
Most of the joys and problems we experience come from the way we relate with people…
Some relationships enable us to grow while others stifle growth. And the painful fact is that sometimes it is not easy to recognize the difference before they actually hurt us.
In this lesson/module we will discover the different types of relationships we are in….recognize which of these are life-giving to enable us to grow in our relationship with God and others
Before we tackle those types of relationships let us familiarize ourselves with the following terminologies that will help us understand this module better.
• Consanguinity- relationship by blood
Filiation-1. the f act or condition of being a son or daughter.
2. the relation of child to parent, especially father.
• Patriliny-relationship or descent through the male line, as in ancestry, inheritance, etc. Synomosy-Ancient Greece. fellowship or brotherhood bound by solemn oath.
• Agape-The highest form of love in the Christian Gospel
1. PARENTAL LOVE
•Love of parents to their offspring
•Unconditional and unlimited in the presence of children
•Ever present and has not changed in essence and character
•The most natural of all human interactions
•The story of the Prodigal Son where the father showed his love through his son’s trials and mistakes.
•The initial way to have a give and take relationship centering upon love is through parents.
- Parental love is derived from “agape” which creates goodness in the world
- The family is a group united by marriage, co-habitation, blood, and/or adoption
- Since the family is the basic unit of communities, these types of relationships are vital to the development of society
- Parental love is one of the first type of love we experience from God and our families. We feel cared for and it helps us understand our purpose in this world.
- Nurturing parental love is what gives children the motivation to grow up with a good goal.
- Present throughout the bible, usually the core values of parables and miracles (e.g. Abraham’s willingness to offer his Son to God)
- Present throughout history in literature, movies, and contemporary pop culture
- Given importance ever since the dawn of time, since the family is where first relationships are developed and progressed.
•Parental love is the origin of love where a child learns and gets the essence of love.
•The love of our parents to us will never be lesser than our love for them.
•Parental love is a kind of relationship where parents give unconditional love to their parents regardless at how their children act.
•2. FRATERNAL/FILIAL LOVE
•Brotherly love
•The most fundamental kind of love
•The Lord loves us and wants us to love one another.
•Characterized by its lack of exclusiveness
•There is experience of union with all men
•It is the spirit of thanksgiving to the Lord and acceptance of life’s various circumstances
•It is demonstrated in deeds
•The people around you will influence you in growing up to be who you are in the future
•It is shown to others, not just to our siblings
•In the novel Dekada ’70 by Lualhati Bautista, fraternal love is shown in the story where Jules and his other brothers showed their love and care for one another despite their shortcomings, faults and hardships.
•The 2nd Greatest Commandment as told by Jesus, which is to “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”
•Fraternal and Paternal Love are love-relationships which revolve around the family.
•These primarily concern the welfare and development of ach member of the family to be God’s children.
•These love-relationships also focus on the love God wants us to give on one another as he has shown throughout history.
•They also impart on us our initial values and beliefs which one utilizes as he sets off into life outside the family.
Web Sources:
3. PLATONIC LOVE
Definition/Description:
-An affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise (e.g. friendship between two people of the opposite sexes)
•Platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise.
•A simple example of platonic relationships is a deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.
•At the same time, this interpretation is a misunderstanding of the nature of the Platonic ideal of love, which from its origin was that of a chaste but passionate love, based not on uninterest but virtuous restraint of sexual desire.
•In its original Platonic form, this love was meant to bring the lovers closer to wisdom and the Platonic Form of Beauty.
•It is described in depth in Plato's Phaedrus and Symposium.
History
•The term amor platonicus was coined as early as the 15th Century by the Florentine scholar Marsilio Ficino as a synonym for amor socraticus. Both expressions signify a love focused on the beauty of a person's character and intelligence rather than on their physical charms.
•Biblical Foundations:
•Adulterers and adulteresses! have ye not known that friendship of the world is enmity with God? whoever, then, may counsel to be a friend of the world, an enemy of God he is set. James 4:4
•A righteous person looks out for his neighbor, but the path of wicked people leads others astray. Proverbs 12:26
•He who informs against friends for a share [of the spoil], The eyes of his children also will languish.Job 17:5
Insights:
4. Obsessive Relationships
Introduction
Definition/Description
Obsessive love is a form of love where one person is emotionally obsessed with another.
•unequal relationship characterized by an unhealthy attachment to another person causing a loss of emotional self control
•a relationship where-in a person tends to think about the other a lot of the time, letting the other person dominate their life, directly or indirectly
•lovers are distracted from their normal thoughts and activities
•they become pre-occupied with every aspect of another’s personality
•a persistent and irrational idea, frequently unpleasant, which cannot be eliminated voluntarily
Stages of Progression
•Phase 1: Attraction
-instantaneous and overwhelming attraction to another person
-immediate urge to rush into a relationship regardless of compatibility
-formation of unrealistic fantasies
•Phase 2: Anxious
-usually occurs after a commitment has been made
-overwhelming fear of abandonment
-there is a need to be constantly in contact with the person
•Phase 3: Obsession
-“tunnel vision” (relationally dependent person can’t stop thinking about a love interest)
-unfounded accusations of cheating
-controlling behaviors are critical
-controlled person begins to pull back and eventually ends the relationship
-
•Phase 4: Destructive
-overwhelming feelings of depression
-loss of self-esteem
-feeling of revenge
-Denial
-may result to the use of drugs
Biblical Foundation
David and Bathsheba
(2 Samuel 11:1-27)
“ 4Then David sent messengers to get her (Bathsheba). She came to him, and he slept with her. Then she went back home. 5The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant."
” 14In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. 15In it he wrote, "Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die."
“ 26When Uriah's wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. 27After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the LORD.”
Insights and Reflections
•Insights:
We learned that obsessive love relationship is very unhealthy. Almost all the effects of this kind of relationship is negative aside from the effect that it will test your patience. Most of the people engaged in this kind of relationship may not be aware that they are in this kind of relationship.
•Reflection:
Many people break up because of this kind of relationship. Most of the time, when one is obsessed with his or her partner, he or she tends to go beyond his limits, limiting his partner’s freedom, choking his partner and eventually gets tired of this kind of treatment which leads to a break up. It is hard to perceive once one has already entered this kind of relationship. In entering this kind of relationship, one should see to it that he or she is not going beyond their limits and not be controlled by obsession.
Sources
•Love and Renewal (page 17)
•Applied Psychology (page 443)
•The Psychology of Interpersonal Relations (page 96)
•EQ (Emotional Intelligence) In Building Relationships (page 4)
•Loving What Is by Byron Katie (page 3)
•http://www.enotalone.com/article/2499.html
•http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/simplepsych/obsessrel.html
5. EROTIC LOVE
Christianity isn’t opposed to erotic love—on the contrary, it seeks to rescue it from
degradation, and restore it to the type of love that never fades or fails.
Definition/Description:
ž Erotic love is a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction.
ž Eroticism is an aesthetic focus on sexual desire, especially the feelings of anticipation of sexual activity. It is not only the state of arousal and anticipation, but also the attempt through various means to incite those feelings.
ž Erotic love is sexual love. While sexual desire and passion may fade with time, true erotic love has a tendency to grow and, over time, acquires many of the qualities of family affection and of friendship. This type of love is shown in the love between partners who are lovers.
History of Erotic Love:
ž The word eroticism is derived from the Greek God of love Eros
ž In ancient Greek philosophy, Eros was after all the primordial God of unhinged sexual desire. In the platonic ordered system, Eros corresponds to the subject’s longing for ideal beauty and finality. A harmonious unification not only with body but also knowledge and pleasure.
ž In the middle ages, Christians tried to separate erotic and platonic feelings declaring that friendship is entirely different from sexual attractions.
ž Eroticism was hard to define depending on the perception of what erotic means.
It helps us to understand more about Human Sexuality.
ØHuman Sexuality refers to the expression of sexual sensation and related intimacy between human beings.
ØLearning more about Human Sexuality will help one to build his own identity.
ØThe limitations and boundaries of Sex, being God’s gift to man, can be fully understood.
It helps us to understand man’s powerful and natural drive towards sensual and sexual gratification.
ØThrough this, we can understand why people look for nurturing, assistance, encouragement, affection and love in others.
It helps us to understand human relationships.
ØIt can answer key questions on what teenagers of today experience, as a result of a world that is greatly influenced by media.
ØIt helps us to understand why a lot of relationships fail when they are governed by Erotic Love.
ØIt serves as a guideline on what kind of love should relationships really avoid.
Dating Alone
ØDating exclusively entails a lot of responsibility.
ØDating alone may lead to a great temptation.
Being alone together in a secluded place
ØBeing alone together in a secluded place brings a lot of temptation.
ØThis should be avoided.
Wearing provocative clothes
ØThis applies very well to girls
ØIf girls would wear outfits that would invite men to think promiscuously about them, then the girls would be a big temptation.
CHURCH AND SCRIPTURAL FOUNDATIONS:
POPE BENEDICT:
•In his first major treatise:
“In this encyclical, I want to show the concept of love in its various dimensions,"
Erotic love can be blended with and be transformed into spiritual love, "where two people really love each other and one no longer seeks his or her own joy or delights but seeks above all the good of the other person.”
Exodus 20:14
•“Do not commit adultery.”
•The act of thinking about a person lustfully (if not within the bounds of marriage) is considered adultery.
Unrequited Love
INSIGHTS and REFLECTIONS:
•Erotic love is Bad if it is practiced outside the bounds of marriage, for that promotes immorality.
•Erotic Love is Good if it is practiced in a Marital relationship, for Erotic Love can be turned to spiritual and true love if two people will learn to love each other unconditionally.
•We have learned that Erotic Love helps us to understand fully human sexuality. It does not necessarily mean being full of lust for it can happen out of a deep feeling of love and intimacy. We have learned that Erotic Love helps us to understand the stages that some teenagers experience today.
•We have realized that God gave us different types of love Love is something, that if understood fully, can help us to understand the processes of human development. We have realized that it is best to follow God’s will and our parents in order for us to protect ourselves form Erotic Love that is outside the bounds of a Marital relationship.
SOURCES:
•Adolescent Problems by Nicolson and Ayers
•Personhood by Leo F. Buscaglia
•Christian Morality and You by Michael Pennock
•Chicken Soup for the Soul II p.18
